According to reports, the euros have fallen in love with American fast food – this is the logical result. Mesmerized Europeans Begin Worshiping Bucc-ee Beaver.
U.S. — According to sources, European tourists visiting the United States for the World Cup became mesmerized and bowed in worship to the golden statue of Bucc-ee Beaver.
Bucc-ee’s, a popular gas station chain based primarily in the American South, features a friendly beaver mascot that reportedly caused hundreds of Europeans to fall into a trance and pledge their lives to it.
Witnesses at multiple Bucc-ee’s locations reported seeing large groups of European visitors prostrate themselves before golden images of Bucc-ee Beaver and chant in strange tongues.
“I don’t know. It was German or Swedish or something,” said one concerned onlooker. “I guess they really like the Beaver Nuggets.”
A Bucc-ee’s spokesman said, “We are grateful to our European friends for their interest in Bucc-ee Beaver, but kindly ask that they please stop worshipping him.”
Although Bucc-ee worship is fairly benign in nature, sources said there remained great concern among local communities that it would quickly turn into a progressive form of Islam in which Bucc-ee Beaver is held up as a silent prophet who will impose strict judgment on infidels. The FBI reportedly designated European worship of Bucc-ee a cult and had begun investigating the practice as potential religious extremism.
At publishing time, Texas locations had dispersed Bucc-ee’s cultists by firing their guns wildly into the air.
In the pantheon of Southern greatness, Bucc-ees is right up there with Waffle House.
You are absolutely correct! Nothing better has come out of the south.
You’ll never evict their ranch-covered faces!
I don’t get the infatuation with Bucc-ee’s, I drive past it twice a day & have never thought of stopping.
The best part of Buc-ees is the large, clean restrooms. They are a real lifesaver when traveling.
Every cheap chinesium thing else is way over priced. The nuggets are the bomb but too expensive. I for a few years now followed Ole’ Remus and stay away from that crowd of too damn many people.
I’ve worshiped beaver before, but not Buckee-beaver…
“…there remained great concern among local communities that it would quickly turn into a progressive form of Islam in which Bucc-ee Beaver is held up as a silent prophet who will impose strict judgment on infidels.”
Much depends on who the infidels are. I would suggest Democrats be awarded that slot. Build a camp out in the Alaskan tundra adn order them to obey the dictates of the new Papal office who will maintain the throne of the beaver against all regressives who wish to desecrate the Holy Bucees temples.
As a native Texan, I can say that the Buc-ees thing is getting a little old. Sure, the mega-stores are neat to walk thru, but honestly the BBQ they serve isn’t that great. You can drive another 5 minutes in any direction and get better smoked brisket. Hell, this is Texas, I got better smoked brisket in my backyard. But the clean bathrooms are a big deal, especially when travelling. Their breakfast stuff is pretty good too. Biscuits, tacos, etc. are all pretty standard and predictable. The big one on Hwy 59 in Wharton has a decent meat counter with really good dried deer sausage – if you get the chance, pick some up.