Idaho has the right idea!

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Idaho Builds Border Wall Out Of Potatoes To Keep Out Californians.

Thanks PS!

BOISE, ID — In a bold stand against the western invasion, Idaho Governor Brad Little announced today that the state had constructed a new border wall of potatoes to keep out Californians. The project was intended to stem the tide of California transplants moving into the Gem State and causing higher housing costs, heavier traffic, and demands for things like bike lanes and gun control. “Don’t California my Idaho!” Little exclaimed at a press conference held atop a 12-foot pile of russets. “We’ve seen what happens when Californians show up. Suddenly, everyone wants hookah lounges, yoga studios, and taxes to pay for prison inmate sex changes. Not on my watch. This wall is 100% Idaho-grown, 100% friable, and will stop Priuses in their tracks.” The “Spud Wall,” as locals have named it, uses the state’s abundant potato crop as its main building material. Supporters pointed out that it’s inexpensive, locally grown, and easy to repair. If sections start to spoil, they can be swapped out or turned into fries for highway crews. Governor Little added, “If Californians want to live in Idaho so badly, they need to learn to drive in the snow, own at least three guns, and eat potatoes for every meal like the rest of us.” Early reports from the border suggested it was having some effect. A few California transplants reportedly took one look at the towering pile of stem tubers and eventually turned around. Environmentalists and progressive groups were predictably outraged, calling the potato wall “racist against root vegetables” and demanding it be replaced with a “culturally sensitive” wall made of kale. At publishing time, Idaho farmers had already begun selling “Border Fries” and “Freedom Tots” at the base of the wall, while a small group of Californians was spotted attempting to tunnel under it with reusable straws.

Added Yet Another Cell Phone To The Junk Pile Today

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I don’t even know how many that makes anymore. 5, 6?

Every two years like clockwork and I’m not even joking.

Every other Summer I’m down there wipping out my card and paying a bunch of money on a stupid cell phone.

I am ABSOLUTELY NOT paying big money for one of the damn things either.

And for anyone who wants to say, “well there ya go ya cheapskate, you get what you pay for”.

Not so Grasshopper.

While I’m bitching and griping to the guy behind the counter about it, he tells me he has the same problem with THIRTEEN HUNDRED DOLLAR PHONES!!!

Screw that!

I don’t even know what just the phone cost because of course you have to get the screen protector and a new case.

Which has some kind of Orange shit all over it.

Excuse me people, I’m not 14 years old. I don’t give a rat’s ass about your bling.

I’m 66 fucking years old. I just want a plain old Black Plastic motherfucker that does the job, OK?

But no.

Don’t have those in stock.

Whatever.

Bonus round just for fun, the new phone comes with a charging cable but no wall wart.

Oh no no no, you gotta buy that separate!

Insert face palm here.

The one I have been getting don’t have the little SIM cards in them. Now they have to sit them side by side and download everything wirelessly. Of course those rotten fuckers at GOOGLE are involved because all my videos and pictures somehow automatically get sent to them and are stored in that ONE DRIVE cloud shit which I ABSOLUTELY HATE!!

I have tried repeatedly to shut that off but somehow every time I turn around it’s back.

Out the door, I think it all came to about $375 and it took an entire hour.

The old one shit the bed after I was texting my brother and sent him a picture.

It locked up tighter than a Preacher’s prick in a calf’s ass.

I tried restarting it and it went through all the bullshit like it always does and then the screen went black and wouldn’t do anything. So I tried it again with the same result.

Fuck hat noise!

Because I have to use these things at work all the time and they actually kick me an extra $60 a month to go towards my phone bill, I am not even playing around with this shit.

I had the choice of them giving me a work phone, which absolutely not, if I can help it or give me some extra money to use my personal phone.

Theirs came with an encyclopedia of rules and horse shit I ain’t even messing with.

So down to the phone store I went.

The old one will get tossed in a drawer in an old tool box with the rest of them I have collected over the last 10 years until the day I decide they are taking up too much space and I pitch them.

Hopefully this one will last until I am fucking retired and I won’t have to worry about even having one of the fucking things anymore If I don’t want to.