In case you weren’t aware, The Wifely Unit has an unhealthy fixation on the Seattle Seahawks football team.
Fanatic doesn’t even come close.
Our house is literally a shrine to them and Donald trump.
The shit is absolutely everywhere.
She even has a life sized cardboard cut out of Trump in the dining room.
Seahawks shit?
Every Fucking Where.
Neon signs, blankets, calendars, throw pillows, slippers, pajamas, jackets and coats, posters, coffee table coasters, Bobble Head dolls, hats, bags, purses, fuzzy Seattle dice on the rear view mirror, Seahawks license plate frame…
You name it, if they make it, she has it.
I’m tellin’ ya, it’s not normal.
She lives and dies by them fuckers.
Every Sunday when they are playing, she takes our oldest boy, goes up and waits in line until they open the doors so she can get a good booth,and watches the game at a giant local SportsBar/ Bowling Alley./Arcade.
It actually has TWO Bowling Alleys in the place.
It’s fucking HUGE. Something like a dozen Big Screen televisions on one wall alone.
They even sell Pizza there.
She left TWO HOURS before they open today to get up there and get a good spot.
FIVE HOURS before Kick Off Time.
Just to watch a football game on television.
She even had her finger and toenails painted Team Colors on Thursday.
She reluctantly invited me last night but there is no way in hell I would step foot in the joint. I kid you not, if Seattle lost the Superbowl and I was there?
She would literally blame me for it and hold it against me forever.
That’s how fixated she is on that shit.
And how superstitious she is.
I could care less either way personally. It’s just my mental health and personal misery level that I am interested in.
If they manage to win I am Golden.
If they lose I am in for six months of living hell because she will literally go into a deep depression over it.
The shit I put up with for this woman, I swear.
So here is to the Seahawks winning the Superbowl, because the alternative is something I don’t want to contemplate.
Wish me luck.
