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Time To Move To A Red State? Know The Signs
Jan 27, 2026 · BabylonBee.com
Things in America are getting pretty dicey these days. So dicey, in fact, that people in blue states are starting to wonder if it’s time to evacuate to the safety of more politically conservative places. Knowing when to get out of Dodge is vital.
The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of clear signs that it’s time to move to a red state:

1. The neighbors ate your pets: Your dog and your cat.
2. There are tampons in the men’s restrooms: Something doesn’t seem right.
3. There are no plans to build a Buc-ee’s in your state: A clear sign there’s no hope where you are.
4. The same crackhead on the bus stabbed you for the 6th time this month: Even though you specifically asked him to stop after the 5th time.
5. The 12th “Learing Center” in town just opened up down the street: Doesn’t feel like there’s enough demand for that many.
6. You’re facing felony charges for possessing a gas-powered lawnmower: They’re really serious about climate change.
7. Your grocery store only sells bananas and rice: It’s not like that’s all anyone around you eats, it just all anyone around you eats.
8. State taxes are 103% of your income: Seems a bit high.
9. You need subtitles to understand your elected officials’ speeches: What language is that, anyway?
10. You are not L, G, B, T, nor Q: You don’t belong here.
11. Your breakfast is ruined by the Islamic call to prayer every morning: It’s hard to enjoy a bowl of Lucky Charms with all that racket.
12. You’re an American: Obviously in the minority.

If you’ve noticed any of the things listed above happening where you live, it’s time to head for greener (redder?) pastures.

Thanks PS!

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