Possible heads up?

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Time To Move To A Red State? Know The Signs
Jan 27, 2026 · BabylonBee.com
Things in America are getting pretty dicey these days. So dicey, in fact, that people in blue states are starting to wonder if it’s time to evacuate to the safety of more politically conservative places. Knowing when to get out of Dodge is vital.
The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of clear signs that it’s time to move to a red state:
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  1. The neighbors ate your pets: Your dog and your cat.
  2. There are tampons in the men’s restrooms: Something doesn’t seem right.
  3. There are no plans to build a Buc-ee’s in your state: A clear sign there’s no hope where you are.
  4. The same crackhead on the bus stabbed you for the 6th time this month: Even though you specifically asked him to stop after the 5th time.
  5. The 12th “Learing Center” in town just opened up down the street: Doesn’t feel like there’s enough demand for that many.
  6. You’re facing felony charges for possessing a gas-powered lawnmower: They’re really serious about climate change.
  7. Your grocery store only sells bananas and rice: It’s not like that’s all anyone around you eats, it just all anyone around you eats.
  8. State taxes are 103% of your income: Seems a bit high.
  9. You need subtitles to understand your elected officials’ speeches: What language is that, anyway?
  10. You are not L, G, B, T, nor Q: You don’t belong here.
  11. Your breakfast is ruined by the Islamic call to prayer every morning: It’s hard to enjoy a bowl of Lucky Charms with all that racket.
  12. You’re an American: Obviously in the minority.

If you’ve noticed any of the things listed above happening where you live, it’s time to head for greener (redder?) pastures.

Thanks PS!

41 thoughts on “Possible heads up?”

  1. The map by state is misleading. Check out the map by counties. We may be in deep blue by state Cederq, but we actually live in deep red, redneck Orygun.

    • As I do Greg, but my take is that we live in a deep red counties, the state is blue due to Portland/Eugene/Bend triangle that have the power for now.

      • I talked the OL into departing when some of our newer neighbors began speaking to me about my charcoal grill.
        I just got really tired of the Triangle making new laws and rules almost every month.
        And thank you, but I’m very happy down in (currently) freezing Flooriduh.

    • I know, right?

      My knees are bad, I’m about the last in my line, I just got my property in order, I’ve got too much shit to move, and I’ll be better off training the young ones out in the swamp the ways of the Bushrunner.

      The American Stasi is coast-to-coast anyway, so everyone will get a little action.

  3. The violent moronic foreigners, the sex deviance, ever-expanding government, and soon-to-be hyperinflation are all Symptoms. The Cause is that as free citizens (I crack myself up) of a Democracy (I know, but fuck off with the “Ekshully, we’re a constitutional republic” business, where has that distinction got us?) , anyway, as free citizens we have Choices. The choice is to suck Zionist dick or take it up the ass from Bolshevik dick. Either “choice” it’s the same dick.

  4. #11. Learn the bagpipes, and be sure to play loudly during the call to prayer.

    Five times a day, you’ll be great in no time.

  5. As an Aussie, always wondered why Republicans are red. Seems to me the traditional commie colour would be much better suited to the other side.

    • Republicans = red is probably because the Press (overwhelmingly left wing) got to pick the colors. So they likely did it out of the traditional red=enemy scheme, and as a joke because red also stands for commie.

      That said, one could also hypothesize that it’s because “Edom” means red. And Rome was the “heir” of Edom (in the “enemy and oppressor” sense). And the US is the stand in for Rome these days. We are all Amalek.

  6. US media once typically used red for democrats, an blue for republican’ts, but in the 2000 election, the choice was made to invert those color assignments. I don’t know if it originated with a particular network, but it stuck and became the universal color coding shorthand ever since.

    Personally, I think the d’s should be brown, because they’re shit. And the r’s should be pink, since they’re a bunch of pussies.

      • True enough they are, but since I already used pink to denote republican’ts are pussies, I needed something different to set the demoncraps apart. Really, the d’s mascot should be a condom because it encourages fucking around, discourages cooperation, stands up to inflation, and provides a false sense of security, all while they’re fucking you the whole time.

  7. If you haven’t left your blue state by now; then stay put.
    If the elephant sized amount of evidence isn’t enough for you; then you can just hang tough.
    I mean really, if you think the perverts and lesbians were going to slow their slide towards Sodom and Gomorrah and return to pre-depression era thinking….
    Then you can stay in your stew.
    Texas doesn’t want you. You have already shown that you will tolerate evil. Austin doesn’t any more encouragement.

    • Word. We don’t want you in Idaho, either. Stay in your Communist septic tanks. Enjoy the decline.

  8. Republicans and Democrats are the SAME party. They have the same goals.
    (think not? then ask yourself what, exactly, have the Republicans done to push back since 1963).
    Stop playing the R vs D game. It’s a massive waste of your time and a distraction from what’s really going on that you should be more concerned about.

  10. Don’t come to Missouri, it’s so cold here right now I have to pull my dick out of my Carhartt bibs with a string to take a piss INSIDE the house.

    It gets so hot here in the summer birds spontaneously combust if they fly too far above the treetops.

    The ticks don’t just crawl up your leg here, they walk up, unzip your pants, and fondle your nuts to see if you are tender enough for them.

    The ABS light is on again off again thing in my old truck so if you are standing/laying in the road protesting something it may be a crap shoot if I stop in time to keep from running you over. For your own health and safety, Don’t risk it! Stay away!

    Neck

  11. Your feelings might tell you to go red but by most objective measures blue states are healthier, safer and better paid.

    Seven of top ten states by violent crime rate are red.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_U.S._states_and_territories_by_violent_crime_rate

    Nine of top ten states by life expectancy are blue.

    https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/life-expectancy-by-state

    Top ten states by education are all blue.

    https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/most-educated-states

    Top ten states by average hourly earnings are all blue.

    https://economicsinsider.com/us-hourly-wage-by-state-which-state-pays-the-highest/

    • Every one of the red states with high crime rates are that way because they have large, urban blue hives within in them, filled with the sorts of swarthy demographics the blue state shitlibs love to fawn over, but don’t want to live near. If those areas were cleared of the demographics in question, the crime stats in those red states would drop like a stone.

      Top ten by education is not the brag you think it is. It just means those state have more people in the credentialed class, who often end up in leftist occupations of no real value like trash can lawyers, government and corporate middle management and bureaucrat types who push paper but produce nothing substantive, despite high salaries. Many also carry enormous student debt loads. Many of these highly educated are a net drain on society in economic terms. But they sure think highly of themselves.

      Higher pay also means higher cost of living, so that isn’t much of a brag either. Most of these people in blue states end up being your typical insufferably haughty and arrogant shitlibs who think themselves so far superior to those who actually do real, productive work. And oh, how they love to publicly explicate their degrees, salaries, and material holdings, as if that is supposed to impress me.

      But by all means, go on stroking your dick over how much the better blue states are; I needed something to laugh about.

      • What steaming pile crap.

        Blue states have big bad blue cities, (Chicago, NY, LA for example) yet the statewide crime rates are lower than most red states with big bad blue cities.

        The education stats include reading and math scores through high school as well as SAT/ACT scores, not just attainment.

        Cost of living and wages usually go together but not at the same rate. Comparative rates of change is a tough concept for simple minds to digest.

        Where ignorance is bliss, tis folly to be wise and that’s where you’ll find Big D’Ruckus.

        • You just keep reading those “statistics” and thinking all is well. Gooberments, especially in Blue States, are pretty slick at fudging the data. Biteme’s gubmint was also complicit in this behavior.

          Sorry, go pander somewhere else.

        • Well, I’m just sayin’, go fuck yourself in the ass with a rusty chainsaw. Sideways. At low throttle.

          And really, that was a more useful reply than trying to debate with a stupid shitlib cocksucker, since you always come back with the same old shit.

          • Debate involves fact and logic which takes effort. It’s much easier to spew stream of consciousness BS.

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