Jan 16, 2023 · BabylonBee.com 

Investigators found classified documents in President Biden’s garage. No one really knows why it was there, including Biden. But the real story is all the other stuff they found. His garage was a veritable treasure trove of scandal! 

Here is the definitive list of items found in Biden’s garage: 

1. Obama’s birth certificate 
2. Private hair collection 
3. 180,000 Trump ballots 
4. One of Hunter’s hookers 
5. Hunter 
6. Friendship bracelet from President Xi 
7. My Patriot Supply buckets (go to preparewithbee.com for an exclusive deal) 
8. The real Joe Biden tied up and gagged shouting, “Help! that guy’s an imposter!” 
9. Unused StairMaster 
10. All the CIA’s JFK documents 
11. Jimmy Hoffa 
12. Treasure map leading to the lost city of Atlantis 
13. A bunch of model train stuff 
14. A pay stub from Burisma 
15. The friendship bracelet he made for Obama but was too embarrassed to give him 
16. Industrial-size pallet of Metamucil 
17. A lock of Galadriel’s hair 
18. White hood 
19. Cuties on Blu-Ray 
20. A nuke – literally an entire nuke 
21. Model of the Capitol building made of LEGO 
22. Joe Biden’s brain in a jar 
23. Early classified copy of Hogwart’s Legacy 
24. A surprisingly solid collection of tabletop board games 
25. Pontiac Aztek he’s been restoring since 2014 
26. All of the eggs 
27. First 14 seasons of The Apprentice on DVD 
28. 12 vials of COVID-20 from Wuhan 
29. 500 boxes of Kellogg’s Corn Pops 
30. A pallet of 10% for the big guy 

Wow! So exciting! Who knows what they’ll find next? 

Sent in by Paul Stulgaitus