Yesterday, after humping all my meager possessions up to my second floor apartment (Thank God for Otis Elevator) I got my apartment in what could be described as early college student decor… I went to the local supermarket for some grub as Phil wasn’t around to graciously feed me. Getting what would needed at the minimum to carry me over to early Sunday morn excursion to Wally Weird, so as to avoid most of the dieversity, screaming kids and super tanker land whales to sustain me for the month.

I put my grub on the check out conveyor and flirted with the young thang ringing up my purchase and stepped at the end looking around the store and the young thang asked “paper?” and I replied, “no, plastic is fine…” She looked at me funny and said, ” No, paper but the bag is 5 cents” , 5 cents for a bag, was my startled reply… Yes and no plastic bags unless it is one you bring in… What the fluck am I gonna use to line the fracken waste baskets? Two guys that had followed me in from the parking lot and had commented on my South Dakota tag and my Ornery Bastard on Board bumper sticker Phil had sent me were behind me in the check out line started busting out laughing at my ignorance and naivety to “OREGON COMMIE” way of life… fuck, my thought, what the unholy hell have I got myself into, 5 fucking cents for a paper bag where just a short time and one state away, paper and plastic bags were given away free gratis with your purchase, and you had a choice between paper or plastic. Five cents, not gonna break me, but the adage, “Nickel and Dime me to death” sure came to mind.

I called Phil that night to vent my building rage at the fucking 5 cent extortion I have been exposed to. When I left the Glorious Socialist State of Oregon in 2000, we only had a nickel a can and a dime a bottle “deposit” to contend with. I don’t ever believed in all the time I have talked with Phil over the phone that he truly had a belly laugh like that at my expense and Phil ain’t got a belly! I am sure between the tears of laughter he was obviously was trying to wipe away he explained the state of Oregon, and the state of Washington in their bloated, craven socialist utopia to implement a ‘tax/fee” to the unwashed deplorables for the temerity to insist they cut down trees to allow us proles to carry home our meager food stuffs. Wasn’t the eco-terrorists that exclaimed we need to switch to plastic bags because the trees were disappearing? Now, the plastic was degrading the landscape so we need to switch to trees? I can’t keep up with this shit. Phil went on to say I wasn’t even started yet with all the fees, wait until I register my truck and travel trailer and wait until I get my power bill… and when I learn all the rules our overlords have decreed upon high. What the hell have I heaped upon myself, is it too late to cut my loses and escape back to sanity and a modicum of freedom? Phil said , no, I am now here behind enemy lines for eventual combat. suck it up, embrace the suck was my thought. I called ChuckinBama and he laughed his ass too off at my apparent stupidity…and my rage over five fucking cents.

I was considering selling my travel trailer, but now have decided to keep it and also to pare down my belongings I toted around unused for over a year in case I finally get mad enough, or make a judicious escape from this paradise because I pissed some one off higher on the food chain or shot a karen/ken liberal asswipe and it seems that have multiplied since I lived here previously. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers that I retain my sanity and I not let slip the dogs of sociopathic homicidal beserker.

A little old lady from North Carolina had worked in and around her family’s dairy farm since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation…

So when canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores, she read an advertisement offering $5000 for the best slogan/rhyme beginning with “Carnation milk is best of all ….”

She said to herself “ I know all about milking cows and dairy farms… I can do this!”

She sent in her entry, and about a week later, a black limo drove up in front of her house… A man got out and said, “Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $1000, even though we WILL NOT Be able to use it…

Here is her entry:

Carnation Milk

Is best of all, No tits to pull ,

No hay to haul,

No buckets to wash,

No shit to pitch ,

Just poke a hole

In the Son-********

Here’s his info and a link to his raffle, it’s down the page a bit.

PayPal being theintrepidreporter2019@gmail.com

And it comes up as The Countries Inc. Make sure you add your address, name and email in the comment section so Big can keep track and notify you

Rules To Teach Your Son

1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.
2. Don’t enter a pool by the stairs.
3. The man at the BBQ Grill is the closest thing to a king.
4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.
5. Request the late check-out.
6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
7. Hold your heroes to a higher standard.
8. Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.
9. Play with passion or don’t play at all…
10. When shaking hands, grip firmly and look them in the eye.
11. Don’t let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be.
12. If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.
13. Carry two handkerchiefs. The one in your back pocket is for you. The one in your breast pocket is for her.
14. You marry the girl, you marry her family.
15. Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like crazy underneath.
16. Experience the serenity of traveling alone.
17. Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room.
18. Never turn down a breath mint.
19. A sport coat is worth 1000 words.
20. Try writing your own eulogy. Never stop revising.
21. Thank a veteran. Then make it up to him.
22. Eat lunch with the new kid.
23. After writing an angry email, read it carefully. Then delete it.
24. Ask your mom to play. She won’t let you win.
25. Manners maketh the man.
26. Give credit. Take the blame.
27. Stand up to Bullies. Protect those bullied.
28. Write down your dreams.
29. Take time to snuggle your pets, they love you so much and are always happy to see you.
30. Be confident and humble at the same time.
31. If ever in doubt, remember whose son you are and REFUSE to just be ordinary!
32. In all things lead by example not explanation.

il Donaldo Trumpo

@PapiTrumpo I can’t unsee this…