https://www.zerohedge.com/political/waste-day-seattles-homelessness-fiasco

‘The View’ Announces All-New Cast Of Angry, Middle-Aged Women

Media·May 12, 2026 · BabylonBee.com

U.S. — Longtime daytime talk show “The View” has announced that next season will feature an all-new cast of angry middle-aged women.

After years of occasional changes among the show’s personalities, ABC has moved to replace all five of the previous hosts, though it is sticking with the archetype of emotional middle-aged women.

“We’re ready for a fresh set of high-pitched, seething voices,” said showrunner Denette Holman. “The chemistry we are seeing in the new group of hosts is wonderful. The rants, the cattiness, the imminent menopause, it’s all there. We’re looking forward to a great season.”

Focus groups comprised of ‘The View’ fans gave high marks to the pilot episode with the new hosts. “It’s really a seamless transition. You can hardly tell the difference, except fewer of them wear glasses,” said longtime fan Jennifer Mobley. “They talked over each other so well, with their voices absolutely dripping with contempt for the masses. I think it’s going to be a huge success.”

At publishing time, producers had asked the new hosts to tone down the shrieking just a touch.

https://babylonbee.com/news/what-luck-dr-fauci-announces-hes-been-working-on-hantavirus-vaccine-this-whole-time

ROCKVILLE, MD — Hantavirus has quickly become the biggest viral threat to humanity since COVID and as luck would have it, Dr. Fauci has announced that he has been working on a hantavirus vaccine this entire time. How convenient!

Even though Dr. Fauci announced his retirement from the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases back in 2022, the world suspected that he was still up to something. Now at last, we know what it was saving the world by fortuitously working on a hantavirus vaccine.

“You wouldn’t believe it, but I have been working on hantavirus this whole time,” said Dr. Fauci as he was pulled out of retirement for one last viral epidemic. “I’ve been running experiments on how to make hantavirus even more deadly and contagious. But also, I’ve been patenting the only cure for it. What are the odds?”

Dr. Fauci then cackled maniacally for several minutes before screaming “I am the science!” and demanding people do a little dance he made up. “Stand on one foot,” Dr. Fauci instructed reporters. “Now touch your nose. Now pat your head and rub your stomach simultaneously! Good! Good! Now you’re getting it!”

At publishing time, Dr. Fauci had announced his retirement again and was last seen heading to his secret underground lair, which is believed to be under an active volcano.