An Aussie drover walks into a pub with his pet crocodile by his side . . .

He puts the crocodile up on the bar, turns to the astonished patrons and says, “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this crocodile’s mouth and place my manhood inside.
Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. Then he’ll open his mouth and I’ll remove my unit unscathed.”
In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.”
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers and placed his Johnson and related parts in the crocodile’s open mouth.
The croc closed his mouth and the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile hard on the top of its head.
The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals, unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.”
A hush fell over the crowd.
After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A Blonde woman timidly spoke up . . .
“I’ll try it . . . just don’t hit me so hard with the beer bottle!”

 I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said ‘nothing’. The reason I said that instead of saying ‘just thinking’ is because she would have said ‘about what’. At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.

Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is the most painful experience a human can have; way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It might be nice to have another child.” On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, “You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.” I rest my case.

Well, time for another beer.